18 posts tagged “life”

This wasn't a quick decision--it's one I'd been mulling for months.  I started this Vox blog in November '06.  It was never meant to be my full-time blog.  I started it as a side blog just because I thought it was kind of a cool interface.  When I began to feel suffocated at my TypePad blog, Vox was an easy escape.

Vox, you've been good to me, but I miss the flexibility I had at TypePad.  I miss being able to have the kinds of sidebars I want.  I need to move on for other reasons, as well.  I toyed with going with Wordpress, but it just didn't feel right (at least not right now). 

On Saturday I cleaned up and organized a bunch of paperwork at home.  I completely de-cluttered the top of our desk...and I can't tell you what a difference it made in how I felt sitting down at the computer.  That process, combined with reconnecting with a dear blog friend yesterday--and where one of her posts led me--made the time feel right to make the change.

So, without further ado, here's tongue and groove.  And if you're wondering about the name, it's what I wanted Jeffrey to call his jazz trio when we lived in Portland, but he went for a self-titled group...so I'm claiming it.  Tongue and groove is a method of fitting similar objects together.  That's what I'll try to do there.  You'll find links in the sidebar to , Moojo Cafe, Twitter, MySpace, Flickr, Bloggers for Darfur...and, oh yeah, I started a tumble log awhile back. ;)

Those of you who choose to follow me to the new site, thanks for hanging with me.  xoxo

Been having some computer issues this morning (nothing major...just the universe's way of telling me to get off this machine).  ;)  I wanted to bring you up to date.  Around midnight on Thursday night, our school board voted 3-2 to keep our secondary schools configured the way they are now for one more year.  What that means is that the 9th graders will remain at the junior highs instead of making our high school a 4-year one, and all three junior highs (including the one where I work) will remain open.

I barely had time to let the reality of that late-night decision sink in though because first thing Friday morning the principal called those of us who work in the classified union into her office to remind us that cuts to our union are coming next.  I don't know what that will mean for my job.  The next board meeting is April 17 and I don't know what will be on the agenda.

I appreciate everyone's support through what's been an anxious couple of months.  Now that the school has been saved, I need to turn my focus inward and figure out what *I* want to do next (school) year.  Because I don't want to put a lot of energy into trying to keep some sort of (even cobbled-together) position there for next year if my heart's not in it. 

I'm feeling WAY behind personally...with online stuff...going through paperwork at home...we need to still do our tax returns...and getting myself fully healthy again.  (We'll see if my brother's home remedy of local honey makes a difference in my hay fever--just bought a jar at the farmer's market.)  ;)  I need to get back into my own good graces (if that makes sense).  Not to mention that it's the 5th and I haven't written a single poem yet for National Poetry Month. 

I'm craving some decompression time this weekend.  Quiet time...looking inward.  I did want to mention though that today is my 'sobriety birthday'--18 years sober today.  That's my proudest accomplishment--because no one or no thing can ever take that away from me. 

I woke this morning thinking about trust.  I'm having a hard time trusting people in my 'real' life--getting burned a lot lately.  I fear this will sound horribly cynical and I honestly don't mean it that way:  I all too easily forget that big-hearted actions tend not to accompany small mindedness.  And the result is that I end up feeling hurt.  I tend to want to offer things up coming from a big-hearted place and it can feel painful when one's heart offerings are rejected or not even acknowledged.  I'm not going through any heavy-duty thing--if you were a fly on the wall, you might even wonder what I'm referring to.  It's just this:  We can't make people receive gifts...we can only offer them.  Sometimes the lack of receptivity can start to wear us down.  Come late summer, I'd like to find myself in a place where my gifts are welcomed.  That's all. 

And now I'm going to step away from the computer and enjoy some of this sunshine.  Have a wonderful weekend!

I didn't go on the cruise.  Please don't leave me any "Oh, I'm so sorry!" comments.  I don't mean that in a harsh way--I just mean that I didn't go because I was really anxious about flying with my ears still being kind of plugged up.  I've had horrible hay fever--the pollen is so thick right now that the cars are covered in it.  The artist's manager who'd handled my arrangements understood.  Told me he suffers from bad allergies, too, and has had a couple of flights where he thought his eardrums would explode upon descent.  They're finally starting to open up and I simply didn't want to mess with flights.  So don't cry for me, Argentina. ;)  I get the weekend to just...exhale...move to my own rhythms...have some space...  And all of it is much needed after feeling so stressed out the past few weeks. 

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On a separate note (and I haven't even told Jeffrey about this yet--he was gone most of yesterday and this morning we were focused on getting him packed and to the airport)...  By accident (via reading a link and then being reminded of someone and Googling him) I learned yesterday that one of my oldest, dearest friends died last summer.  I was devastated to read that news online.  I hadn't spoken to him in years, but he still pops up in my thoughts occasionally.  It gets worse.  What I also saw online was that four years before his death, he'd been beaten by two police officers in the town where he'd lived for decades.  (A very liberal, white university town...just like this one.)  He wasn't charged with a crime and when he took the city to court, he won a quarter million dollar lawsuit.  But his injuries had led to surgery and left him with a permanent limp.  I (obviously) had no idea that he'd been through all of that (we were off the mainland during that time).  It broke my heart to read about it.  I'd known him for 35 years.  He was my first love.  Imagine for a moment your first love.  Now imagine that person being dragged from their car and beaten by two people with metal clubs, all while the person stood there open-palmed--taking, not resisting, the blows. 

I'm sorry to be sharing such upsetting news, but it's been a helluva 24 hours.  Canceling my getaway...and then being utterly shocked and upset over that news.  I try not to talk too often on this blog about politics or issues or race--at least I try to bring them up less than I did at my previous blog.  But this is the reality I live in.  As I've said before, I'm supporting Barack Obama for President because I honestly believe he's the best candidate with the best character for this critical time for our nation.  I'm not voting for him because he's half-black.  But his race is an important part of who he is, and I personally haven't spoken to anyone who wasn't moved by the speech he gave on race on March 18th.  (If you didn't see it, I encourage you to join the more than 3-1/2 million people who've watched "A More Perfect Union" on YouTube here.)  Those of us who came of age in the early days of feminism (early 70's) have been seen to be disloyal to our sisterhood by not supporting Hillary Clinton.  Today The Root posted an extraordinary letter written by Alice Walker that so beautifully puts that into perspective.  I encourage you to read it here.

This morning, already weepy over missing my getaway with my sweetie and my heart aching over thinking of my dear friend being beaten, I watched this video from last May by slam poet Darian Dauchan..."Damn you, Barack Obama..."  (It includes profanity, but I think you can handle it.)  And I broke down.  This one's for you, A, wherever you are...

Tavis Smiley Twittered that he has Louise Hay on his show tonight (Tuesday).  That got me excited since I'm a long-time Hay fan.  My mother first gave me a copy of Louise's tiny book, Heal Your Body, decades ago.  I still have a copy which can often by found on my bedside table.  Louise later wrote You Can Heal Your Lifeo which is still a bestseller.  It incorporated the metaphysical causations and accompanying affirmations of Heal Your Body. I've owned several copies of You Can Heal Your Life and always seem to give them away--in a moment when it seems like someone else needs it more than me.  It's a wonderful book.

So imagine my joy at discovering that there's now a You Can Heal Your Life movie.  Yay!  I had no idea and it's been out about six months.  You can click on that link to watch now for $4.95 or to purchase a DVD.  I think the reason the marketing explosion of all things "The Secret" kind of irked me is because it wasn't new information--just new packaging.  Louise and others before her have been talking about those ideas for decades.

Here's the trailer for the You Can Heal Your Life movie:

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In other news...

I've had horrible hay fever.  Louise Hay believe causations for hay fever are:  "Emotional congestion. Fear of the calendar.  A belief in persecution.  Guilt."  Let's see...feeling torn about what to do about my job...worrying over finances and the possibility of being out of a job in a few months...feeling resentful over nasty things coworkers have done to me...feeling bad that I maybe don't want to work at a school anymore.  So I'd say that's a check...check...check...and check.  And the pollen counts aren't helping.  ;)

We had a lovely Easter dinner at my brother's house.  We've had glorious sunny weather, although we're expecting some showers on Wednesday.  Went for a great walk late Monday morning through the nearly-deserted university campus.  I'd like to say I've been plowing through all the spring cleaning I wanted to do, but Monday was a bit of a lost day.  I napped away most of the afternoon in an allergy haze--but I'm feeling better today on that front.

Haven't written any poetry.  In all honesty, I'm just trying to decompress a bit...and let go of the 'shoulds.'

Hope you're enjoying your week.  xoxo

leap!

This was one of the earliest photo collages I posted to this blog.  I was reminded of it tonight when, in catching up a tiny bit (I still have a long way to go), I went by Andrea's blog and saw a link to danceminute.com.  Most of you probably don't know that dance was my earliest passion.  So much so--and feeling so utterly regretful that I hadn't pursued it beyond the stray class here or there...or teen years creating cheesy choreography in my bedroom, some of which was performed by my school's dance/drill team...or choreographing and performing a modern dance for a school show that included a black light strobe light (what can I say, it was the early 70's) that I decided to devote my 25th year to it.  Two days a week, I'd drive an hour each way to a community college that had a dance program and dance from morning to night, even taking a class on dance history.  Jazz, Afro-Haitian, modern, ballet...I was in heaven.  It didn't matter to me that I was the oldest one in the room (aside from the instructors)--I was indulging my passion.  A year later my jazz and Afro-Haitian teacher happened to walk into the boutique where I was working (I'd relocated by that time to the area where I'd been studying).  We were surprised to see each other (I was no longer dancing).  She told me I had natural talent and hoped I'd continued dancing.  But truthfully, it was too much work at that point.  I hadn't laid the groundwork with my body when I was younger (and I have a naturally tight body), and it was hard to go from zero to sixty in nothing flat.  Dance is still one of my big loves. But because I love it so much, I often steer clear of it because the joy of watching it can be accompanied by pangs of regret.  I want to be able to enjoy it again.  So when I saw that link to danceminute.com, I checked it out...and watched every video on the site.  (And if you don't want to work your way back through the archives by watching each one, let me just hip you to the fact that the first video from June '07 is a short, sweet delight.)  ;)  I love the videos because in addition to being a dancer herself, Monica Gillette is a film editor, so she brings a filmmaker's sensibility to her video work.

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Thank you for all of your kind comments re the job situation.  The school board has delayed a final decision on closing my school until their next meeting on the 20th.  I'll know more (hopefully) after that.  There was a marathon board meeting on Thursday night.  Watching at home, I was fiercely proud of some of our students who spoke in a packed chamber to the board, pleading their case to save their school.  In the meantime, budget cuts proceed as planned.  Friday's paper said 91 layoff notices will go out this week district-wide, mostly to certificated staff (teachers, administrators, counselors, librarians, psychologists).  Cuts that could affect the classified union (mine) haven't been determined yet. There's no point in worrying about it.  Either I'll have a new contract on August 1 or I won't.  In the meantime, there's life to be savored...and I intend to savor it. 

Please watch this 36-second video of Amazonian rainforest silence in Brazil...and then read my post...

In response to Linda's comment on the post below, yes, it's been several days since I posted.  Not to worry--everything's okay.  It was just a very tiring, stressful week at work, and given the amount of computer time I was putting in, the last thing I felt like doing when I got home was sitting down at our computer trying to think up a post.  

This video is rather emblematic of how I've been feeling...like I can't see the forest for the trees.  I see all of you...just like the camera panned to the people sitting on the log...and just like that image, I feel a bit separate at the moment.  I just need to be a little extra self-nurturing right now to counterbalance the work stuff.  So please forgive me if I've been behind in my blog reading or leaving comments or checking in with you in any way.  It's not you (as they say), it's me.  I'm feeling a tad overwhelmed, because this time of the school year is a very busy one for me anyway...and now there's all this added stress.

I had nearly a 12-hour workday on Wednesday.  I met a friend for tea on Thursday evening and was glad to see her, but I probably wasn't very good company because I was so worn out.  We met at Peet's and after chatting with her for a couple of hours, I grabbed the latte I'd promised J and one for myself and headed home.  I crawled into bed with my latte and a novel I was just starting.  Insanity!  It was 9:00--I'd be up all night!  Not.  I couldn't stay awake long enough to finish the latte.  I'm writing this after midnight on Saturday night.  I laid down at 4:00 this afternoon to take a short nap...and slept for 7 hours.  I've felt worn out this week--physically, mentally, emotionally.

Morale at school is in the tank. We don't know (as I write this) what's going to happen at our school.  We may lose some staff members...or we may lose a lot of them if they shut down our school and fold those with seniority into positions at other sites...or they might make us a magnet school...or...  They're floating every option imaginable out there.  And our school is already staffed at a bare-bones level.  It's already a challenge coming up with class schedules given our staffing.  A few years ago my school had 1,000 students--now we have just over 500.  (They opened a third junior high a few years ago and opened up enrollment when they did.  Some families chose to put their kids in the brand-new, fully-equipped school on the other side of town and our enrollment dropped dramatically.  We have hundreds of students less than our sister schools.)

It didn't go over well with parents when at the board meeting a week ago Thursday, the board showed a Powerpoint presentation that included the shutting-the-school option.  Parents were upset that they weren't warned ahead of time.  I told those who shared those feelings with me, "Hey, don't feel bad--I didn't even hear from other staff members that that had been presented until several days later."